Leonard's League - Week Three

Week 3 STANDS FOR WEEK HASHTAG! #OMFGameon

When a friend asks for a guest football summary, you #digdeep. You #makeitwork, you #doyourbest. And when the going gets tough, you get Britney BITCH. And hashtags. Britney’s career #BLOWS these pros out of the water- ok maybe not the #BetterManning, but pretty much everyone else. And by Britney, I mean this girl can BLOW #truth.  Every time you think she’s gone down in flames, she hits us #OneMoreTime.  Brit Brit is back to share all things week 3 for Leonard and friends. For your sake (and for mine) Britney will only share about half of her things. Trust me, it’s better this way. The other half will be straight plagiarism. And hashtags. You’re welcome and good morning Thursday.

Let’s start with secrets and drinking… Secrets win. Hands down. #Secretsdontmakefriends. Victorious Secret put up the second-highest score this week and took down I'll Drink to That 114.28 to 98.58. This was not how it was supposed to end. Sadly for I'll Drink to That, she started Eifert who was out with an injury- smooth move, and played Carson Palmer instead of Matt Ryan. NEGATIVE points Carson?  Palmer’s bad day was matched by the Chiefs defense scoring 40 points for Victorious. Sweet win Secret.  Gurley and Crabtree helped as well, despite your entire bench being injured. And Palmer, you sucked this week. #nothankyoustupidcardinals

Your Wife My Kids Snatched the #W from The Demogorgon and grabbed himself a spot in the #top5. YWMK had Tevin Coleman and his three touchdowns (42 Rsh Yds, 47 Rec Yds, 3 TD) with 26.90 points and the Denver Broncos DEF (17 PA, 4 Sack, 1 Int, 1 Fum), who scored 18.40. Sadly for The Demogorgon, she too had a negative scoring player- Ryan Mathews was the only other player in the league to do so. Hill and Hausch put up solid scores, but it wasn’t enough. Demo- this is part of your plan right? #theninjasneak

Close game between In Your Endo and Vinegar Strokes

In Your Endo snagged the top spot in the league after beating The Vinegar Strokes (second place, 2-1, 332.98 points) 110.32 to 104.26. The Vikings Defense (10 PA, 1 TD, 8 Sack, 3 Int) put up the second-highest player score of the week with 37.60 points. In Your Endo has beaten expectations every week and this week was no different.  Christine Michael led The Vinegar Strokes with 23.10 points (106 Rsh Yds, 2 TD) while Mark Ingram brought in 18.70 (77 Rsh Yds, 30 Rec Yds, 1 2PT, 1 Rec TD). The Vinegar Strokes got zero points from Kelvin Benjamin, which might have made the difference in the outcome. Kelvin apparently was not on Cam’s radar #ATALL this game… he can’t get no satisfaction. (I’m trying Brit, but it’s not easy to weave you in. #weavebrit #TooEasy #CarryOn. Speaking of carries, picture Sean on Sunday:

 

Wait, Bobbum was in first? #waitwhat?  Keigl Titans bounced Bobbum Man right out of the top spot. #shortlived 

Keigl Titans (10th place) got a #W by beating  Bobbum Man 87.02 to 80.00- low scoring #OUCH. Keigl’s Dak Prescott led the team with 23.52 points while LeGarrette Blount (who?) scored 22.50. Keigl Titans came into the Sunday night game facing a 17.00-point deficit, but scored 29.82 to seal the comeback. This was a back-and-forth battle that saw the lead change hands three times, with the largest lead being 17.00 points after Sunday evening. This upset was revenge for a loss to Bobbum Man in their last meeting a season ago. Bobbum Man had one fairly noteworthy player that let some chances slip through his hands. Despite being targ eted eight times, Brandin Cooks could only manage two catches. 1^st place cant rest Bobbum, you gotta work for that. #didntknowyouwereinfirst

EBDB BnB, keep yo head up. You can still make it to #1. Hashtag1.  Even though Mocha's Maniacs just dropped you into 9th Place. Hashtag 9^th. 

Maniacs beat EBDB BnB, who had #scoringissues this week, 90.50 to 55.48. I think there’s a #littlebluepill for that. But #Idigress. Mocha's Maniacs took a 5.60-point lead on Thursday and remained in front for the rest of the matchup. Or should we say, #ontop. No, we shouldn’t, but lets face it- these were some LOW scoring teams! The Maniacs started one player with zero points while EBDB BnB also served up one #ebdbbnbgooseegg, meaning both sides missed scoring opportunities. Mocha (2-1, 273.50 points) falls to eighth place and EBDB BnB (1-2, 315.30 points) drops to ninth place.EBDB BnB had one fairly important starter that missed out on opportunities. Despite being targeted seven times, Julio Jones could only reel in one catch.#FAIL. Hopefully both teams can make it through this week and put their game faces on in week 4. #week3shavedheadtrophy

 What’s a Rozzie for the Win- Legend goes down!

#RZ Square got the win over The Legend 138.54 to 97.00 in a matchup with three lead changes. She also put up the highest score for the week- #RZFORPRESIDENT!. Rozzie Square came into the Sunday games already in front 23.70 to 6.10. That advantage evaporated by the end of the early Sunday games when Legend climbed his way to a 36.70 point lead.  Square then reclaimed the lead during Sunday's late afternoon games with the help of 23.40 points from T.Y. Hilton. OK wait- Brees AND HILTON? That draft was RIGGED!  How DO we get our draft pick assignments anyway? #draftassignmentreally #dontgetit

And some food for thought for you folks… don’t hate, appreciate!

Happy week 4! #slaveforfantasyfootball

Xo,

#youtrywritingthesummaryitsnoteasy

jo

Leonard's League 16/17 - Week Two

I'm going to break some rules here - two of them actually, and talk about this match up.  It was the closest  of the week between the Kiegl Titans and Victorious Secret.  The score was close and was revealed by a well placed shot at the end.  The Defenses here were the only thing resembling beautiful unique snowflakes (Cardinals for Kiegl with 3 sacks, 4 interceptions and a TD; and the Chiefs with 2 sacks and 2 interceptions, only allowing 7 points).  Overall, it was a squeaky clean game with the soap being sold to stores at $20 a bar.  On Sunday night the Titans were ahead but Eddie Lacey's 50 rushing yards brought Victorious the Victory - 89.68 to Kiegl Titan's 88.48.  I am Victorious's fulfilled potential.  I am the Titans inflamed sense of defeat.

The Demogorgon is in the upside down, she lost again with only 73.22 points.  Her QB (Lesser Manning) didn't break Eleven points.  Even though the Jets got an interception - Leggo my Eggo! - they still only brought in 7.40 points.  Doug Martin and AJ Green brought in a combined 63 yards - a couple of Lando Calrissians.  Starting the season off at 0-2 means that this Thursday morning is a time for coffee and contemplation.  The Demogorgons are going to get it together! I'm stealthy, like a Ninja.

I'll Drink to That toasted her victory against the Demogorgon with 84.62  points.  It wasn't an epic win, but it was a win and at least her team's got personality.  A dog's got personality.  Personality goes a long way.  About as long as DeMarco Murray's 67 yard run; far enough for her to win this dance competition.  Unfortunately, most of her team needed a shot of adrenaline directly to the heart - they scored below 10 points.  Her Royale with cheese was Carson Palmer 308 yards for 3 passing TDs.

EBDB BnB and In Your Endo faced off this week and it was a high scoring show stopper.  EBDB had 7 players with over 14 point, that kind of excess can only be described as gluttony.  In Your Endo's Kicker, Justin Tucker scored 10 of the Ravens 25 points, jeez he's greedy - leave some for the rest of your team!  The Raider's D were sloth-like and only managed to bring home 3.5 points for EBDB.  Matt Forte had a lusty performance running for 100 yards and 3 TDs for In Your Endo. Really, EBDB should be proud he started his optimal line up and didn't leave any points on his bench, well done!  And In Your Endo has every right to be envious because if he had started Fitzpatrick over Wilson, and Diggs instead of Maclin he would have scored an additional 27.90 points.  In the endo it was In Your Endo filled with Wrath, he fell to our high scorer of the week EBDB BnB with 125.46 to 143.12.

Rozzie Square and Bobbum Man's match was like a science experiment.  Bobbum stuck with the same recipe, he didn't change his lineup at all from Week 1.  Rozzie made just one change to her recipe, yo, subbing in Matt Jones for Jamaal Charles, a good choice since Charles was on the bench and Jones brought in 65 yards and a TD.  It was Melvin Gordon that made the difference - his pure crystal 102 rushing yards and a TD made the difference in this game's final product.  But for who? That's right.  Now, say my name.  Bobbum Man.  

The Vinegar Strokes beat Your Wife My Kids with an impressive Defensive score from the Panthers of 29.80.  He wasn't perfect, he started Rawls who brought negative 7 rushing yards and only 15 positive ones - I can't say I agree with your roster work there, Vinegar. But, Oh, Geez, Kelvin Benjamin had 2 TDs and 108 receiving yards.  The Vinegar Strokes starts the season 2-0.  What are ya doin' to your friends there?

Your Wife My Kids lost to the Vinegar Strokes by 12.98 points.  He has the right basic instincts, but he's got Adrian Peterson who went down with a torn meniscus with 2.60 points earned, at least he got off before he got offed.  He's had a couple solid players (Isiah Crowel, 133 yards and 1 TD, and the Broncos D with 5 sacks, 1 interception, 1 fumble recovery and 2 TDs - wait really?), but I think YWMK is distracted, I wonder why?

As he reminded us pre-draft, he's a legend, so he's sticking with his team name.  Not Mr. Ledgerwood, it's The Legend, or his Legendariness, or El Legendario.  Whatever it is, he made the right calls this week.  He didn't start his optimal lineup but even if he had he still wouldn't have gotten a W, he lost by 4.5 to Mocha's Maniacs.  His QB, Phillip Rivers, threw 4 TDs and 203 yards that's a hell of white boy, Jackie.  Unfortunately, late in the first quarter one of his RBs, Johnathan Stewart went out with a hamstring injury.  Its a bummer that one little body part can slow down The Legend's plans.

Mocha's Maniacs didn't have any outstanding players, but every player scored within 10 points of each other, so she had consistency and it really tied the team together.  Matt Stafford threw an interception and only brought in 11.5 points, at least he's housebroken.  Her whole team took the game pretty seriously, 3 TDs, 4 players over 100 yards and not one of them put a toe over the line.  Mocha's Maniacs struck a win over The Legend with 111.8 points - just goes to show don't mess with a Mexican maniac.

Check out the websites of Joey Spiotto and Josh Cooley for more of their awesome movies turned kids book art.  Happy Football everyone!

Leonard's League 16/17 - Week One

I love football.  I love Hauschka.  I love Fall.  This is a phenomenal time of year!  Here is our Week One Recap.

Lets start with the closest game of the week.  Your Wife My Kids beat the EBDB BnB 121.80 to 116.70.  For those of you not following the off season escapades of the Eskimo Brother Database, he's diversifying and he's opened up his Bed and Breakfast.  While both of these teams had a good week EBDB BnB was probably distracted by his new business venture and he lost the game - or maybe it was the fact that his TE (Richard Rodgers) was listed as the Green Bay primary going in, but played fewer snaps than his competition Jared Cook, or maybe it was the 12 point score from his QB.  Whatever the shiny object of distraction was it was enough for EBDB BnB to lose the edge.  Your Wife My Kids must have stayed at the BnB, you don't get a 33.50 point game out of Andrew Luck and 129 receiving yards from Spencer Ware (Who the hell is that?  EXACTLY.) without calling in a few favors from the Brotherhood.

Victorious Secret fell by 8.02 points to Rozzie Square. Wait - Rozzie Square is still called Rozzie Square!  WTF?  It's barely a real place and even if it was, YOU DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!! You live in Middleborough - the freakin' cranberry capital of the world!  Show some pride for Brees sake.  After that beautiful pass for a 98 yard touch down, I think I can use Brees's name in vain.  Seriously, 423 passing yards and 4 TDs, we can forgive the fumble and be in awe of 30.42 scored for Rozzie Square.  Poor Victorious, her kicker (Dan Bailey) scored 17 points.  That's awesome, but the fact that Bailey outscored her entire receiving core (WR, RB and TE) isn't.  Victorious - you're better than this.

In case you are wondering, the G.O.A.T. is beautiful.  It lives on The Demogorgon's mantle and it has never looked more at home.  Staring at it all Summer has been fantastic, but The G.O.A.T. has never been on the same mantle twice and its a lot a pressure.  Most of The Demogorgons fell to that pressure and excelled at mediocrity - AJ Green was the only one to live up to the G.O.A.T standard with a very sexy 180 receiving yards and a TD.  The Vinegar Strokes scored. A lot.  3 players over 21 points, 7 TDs claimed throughout his whole team, and the rushing & receiving yards to back it up.  Yup, The Vinegar Strokes definitely came out with his game face on...funny it looks a lot like his vinegar strokes.

DeMarco Murray was I'll Drink to That's standout player with 2 TDs and 17.70 points...hmmm...DeMarco?  Seems like a pretty big coincidence...is it big enough though?  The Kiegl Titans were consistent this week, the entire roster scored somewhere between 7 and 12.90 points.  Its good to know that her roster is as tight as the rest of the team, unfortunately, a snug fit wasn't enough for The Titans to defeat I'll Drink to That.  Even with one player scoring zero, I'll Drink to That was able to squeeze in a win (97.06 to 82.18).

Every good legend includes a comeback of some kind, which is good because The Legend is starting his season with a loss 86.52 to 106.62 to In Your Endo .  In Your Endo,...In Your Endo...In Your Endo.  It takes on increasing levels of dirtyness the longer you look at it. Similar to how the longer the refs looked at Dez Bryant's reception in the back of the end zone for The Legend, the less it looked like a TD, in fact they decided it wasn't one at all.  The scoreboard on this game is weird - only one player scored above 19.20 - it was the Vikings Defense for In Your Endo.  A game won by the defense, let this be a lesson to us, we all need some D.

Bobbum Man destroyed Mocha's Maniacs this week.  In fact he completely dominated the entire league this week with 139.56 points.  Congratulations Bobbum, you're equipmunk is superior. Brandin Cooks went off - 2 TDs, 143 receiving yards and 27.40 points.  CJ Anderson brought in 25.90 points and Rodgers managed 22.56.  If Bobbum had just played those three guys, he still would have beat Mocha's Maniacs.  Maniacs you were the league low scorer this week!  What happened? Looks everybody on your team just under performed.  They tried but they just like can't even.  Ya Know?

Happy Football Everyone!