Not in My Hauschka wins the "Beauty Pageant Writing Award", because I wrote this blog. And it seems appropriate. Did you know that when I was 18 I entered a Beauty Pageant - they call it a scholarship competition but it involved formal wear on stage - and...I WON. The writing competition. Yes, I entered a Beauty Pageant and won the writing competition. Take that bitches. Speaking of taking it, Clitboner took a righteous 41.22 point loss this week to Not in My Hauschka. Devonta Freeman may have a hurt toe, but it didn't stop him from bringing in 25.70 points for Hauschka! Clitboner had two players bring him the big "O". He must have a hard time focusing, either that or he is addicted to his "O" face, it will be interesting when he plays the Vinegar Strokes. Anyway Clitboner gets the "O-face Award"
Victorious Secret is victorious again! This time against Bobbum Man. The Secret was trailing Bobbum Man until Sunday afternoon when she pulled ahead with the Ravens Justin Forsett bringing in 121 rushing yards, a TD and 49 receiving yards; then Tom Brady decided to complete 20/27 passes for 275 yards 2 TDs and when that wasn't enough he decided to rush for another one himself. For this she gets the "Overkill Award". The problem for Bobbum Man was that his team was front loaded, he only had Carlos Hyde and Steve Johnson playing post Sunday afternoon. And they just didn't have enough left in them to bring his score up to The Secret's level, in fact Steve Johnson didn't have anything at all. But the Bobbum Man is a positive guy and he is taking this loss in stride, he wins the "Optimist Award".
In a Lovers Quarrel Herban Fire defeated the Canning Queen. It was a close, fairly low scoring match (68.04 to 82.36) in which Herban Fire maintained the lead all week. He had solid showings from his core WR/RB lineup, David Johnson (2 TDs), DeAndre Hopkins (169 yards) and Allen Robinson (2 TDs). Poor Canning Queen gave it a try but she could never could get ahead. Her best performer was The Lesser Manning (Eli), with a killer 441 passing yards. It was her birthday though, Happy Birthday!! And I hear she got a selfie stick. I didn't hear much from Herban Fire or the Queen about this match, apparently the selfie stick has a remote and the angles are amazing. Congratulations you two - you share the "Amazing Angle Award".
The Legend's star RB, Le'Veon Bell had his third superior performance in a row with 111 rushing yards, a TD and 16 receiving yards. On Wednesday before the first game of the week The Legend dropped Dez Bryant to pick up Kendall Wright, then 8 hours later changed his mind and reversed the decision. Not really sure what that was all about, maybe it was an attempt to distract his opponent, you know like a magic trick. The Legend wins the "Distraction Award", but he didn't really need it up against Bout That Action who was our low scorer of the week. The Seahawks Defense was her single biggest contributor with 16.90 points, unfortunately for her and the Hawks, it wasn't enough for the win. Six of Bout that Actions nine players scored 6 points or below. Ouch! Maybe she forget what sport we were playing - this is Fantasy Football, not Fantasy Golf, congratulations on your "Caddyshack Award".
Rozzie Square and The Vinegar Strokes faced off in what looked like an easy win for Mr. Vinegar. While Andy Dalton looked good against the Seahawks (damnit!), unfortunately Donte Moncrief caught 33% of his targets for a meager 3 yards, and his tight end Owen Daniels, missed all 5 of his targets bringing home zero points. The Vinegar Strokes get the "Finishers Award". It wasn't pretty but he finished. Good job. Rozzie Square picked up Alex Smith for the game against The Vinegar Strokes and his total (10.34) wasn't super impressive but it was enough for her to get over the 100 point mark and turn her season into 4-1 with a 4 game winning streak, congratulations you get the "Streaker Award".
The Eskimo Brothers faced the Kiegl Titans in a surprisingly close game. The Eskimo Brothers won 98.34 to 77.18. No giant standouts for the Eskimo Brothers, except maybe the Broncos Defense with 4 sacks and an interception for 26.80 points. The Eskimo Brothers earn the "Just Made it Award", as this game was much closer than he wanted it to be. The Kiegl Titans have the makings of a great team - DeMarco Murray (20 carries for 83 yards and 7/8 targets for 37 yards) and Danny Woodhead who rushed/caught a total of 77 yards. But the Titans left their Kicker spot empty and have under performance in QB, WR and TE slots. I don't think she is suddenly bad at this Fantasy Football thing, she is just hiding. Like a ninja. The Kiegl Titans are going to hit us when we least expect it - they get the "Ninja Award".
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