Leonard's League 14/15-Week Eight

I love that everyone decided to get into the Halloween Spirit early.  I didn't realize we were all so into the Holiday - here's a run down of everybody's costumes :)

Inspired by Ben Roethlisberger's 44.78 points and his ridiculous throwback uniform, Offinthewoods dressed up as a bumblebee.  The Kiegl Titans decided to go as Oprah.  I heard her yelling to her Dolphins Defense (31.20 points) "you get 4 sacks, and you get 3 turnovers", she can't give away free stuff every episode, but her blend of hard hitting journalism and inspirational stories motivated her team to a 96.86 victory over offinthewoods.  Or did she intimidate her opponent?  Roethlisberger's total was 53% of offinthewood's score.  His Kicker (Gould), two WR's (Green and Quick), and his W/R RB (Bush), got a grand total of 3.90 points.  Ouch, that stings.  I always knew Oprah controlled everything.

Yobogoya has now lost three in a row, and just as she seems to be having poor taste in setting a lineup (I picked up Fitzgerald from her and he just had the 22.00 game of his season), she also has poor taste in costumes.  Our League's favorite heartbreaker, Wes Welker, had a whopping 0.50 points, her QB Cam Newton rocked a 2.24, and her TE Greg Olsen only had 16 receiving yards for 1.60 points.  She decided to try and contain her team's problems and opted for the sexy ebola containment suit. Not to be outdone the Klunebergs took Antonio Brown's 2 TDs (27.40 points), Mark Ingram's 1 TD and 172 rushing yards (23.50 points), the Patriot's 2 turnovers & 3 sacks (18.70 points) and showed Yobogoya what a hot healthcare worker really looks like.  He's got things under control with a smoldering stare as the original Dr. McDreamy, Dr. Doug Ross from E.R.

Iron Thigh's scored an impressive 134.20, not as good as his (then) record setting 153.32 last week, but nothing to laugh at.  In fact, My Naginta Naginta didn't find it funny at all, dressed as Dr. Spock, he failed to see the humor in any of this week's match ups.  It was highly illogical!  More than half of his team failed to score more than 6 points.  Iron Thighs showed up as Yoda and tried to console My Naginta  "Relax you must. Only by 20.98 beat you did I."  Iron Thigh's low scoring player was his QB (Joe Flacco - 4.00), the rest of them scored over 10, and Golden Tate's 21.10 points has the potential to improve if he can get his catch ratio above 65%.  At least My Naginta tried - his 113.22 total was his 2nd highest score of the season, but lets face reality here: Do, or do not.  There is no try.

'Bout That Action thought she could flatter the refs by showing up as a zebra, and hopefully they would overlook some calls, but her plan backfired.  She quickly became prey to Your Wife My Kids.  He showed up as a lion to support his DEF in London.  They only earned 4 points, but he said "Hakuna Matata" and seemed ok with it.  The Refs were not amused with 'Bout That Action's costume, they gave her Packers DEF 8 penalties for a loss of 84 yards, took away Harvin's 21 yard run with a holding penalty, and then took away his 11 yard follow up play with another holding call.  The Packers got zero points on the fantasy board, Harvin still managed 19.40, but 'Bout That Action only made it to 85.74 points.  Not enough to beat Your Wife My Kids' 104.20, it's still a bit early for him to be breaking out in song, but he watched Jamaal Charles (23.70 points) 13 receptions for 2 touchdowns and started singing "I Just Can't Wait to be King".

They weren't sure about the couples costume, but they have a friendly rivalry, so The Canning Queen and the Traveling Panty Droppers decided to show up together as the Red Jaguars and the Blue Barracuda from Legends of the Hidden Temple.  The Red Jaguars (Canning Queen) looked like the clear winner at the Moat Phase on Thursday (Phillip Rivers 17.78) and through most of the Steps of Knowledge on Sunday (Seattle DEF with 18.20 and a much needed win).  But the Blue Barracuda (Traveling Panty Droppers) made some changes to her lineup, and although she only started one of them (Jacquizz Rodgers - 3.00), it worked.  She took the lead and dominated the Temple Run with a 32.90 contribution from Rob Gronkowski.  Ultimately, the Canning Queen outscored her projections by 34%, but it wasn't enough to take home the Shrine of the Silver Monkey and the Traveling Panty Droppers racked up her 2nd win.

The Green Velvet Recliners had a good week.  Her QB (Andrew Luck, 24.60), star RB (Matt Forte 24.80 -no surprise here, Forte is consistently amazing), and WR (Larry Fitzgerald 22.00 - thanks Yobogoya!) all performed fantastically.  She thought that when she showed up to the party as Ironman, everyone would be super impressed.  But, The Legend got wind of her costume early and decided to one up the Recliners.  His QB (Peyton Manning, 23.44), RB (Arian Foster, 35.30), and WR (Jeremy Maclin, 33.20) all had performances that upstaged her team.  It sucks when you think you've got it in the bag with 123.20 points but you just can't measure up to The Legend and his new league high score of 161.34.

Happy Halloween!!

Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Seven

In Week Six the Canning Queen's QB (Phillip Rivers) and DEF (Seahawks) really tied the team together.  This week they went up against the Green Velvet Recliners and got peed on by a Chinaman. Dude! Chinaman is NOT the preferred nomenclature.  Alright...how about peed on by a bear?  Because Matt Forte had another fantastic week with 22.90 points, more than Rivers and the Hawks combined.  Andrew Luck came through again with 18.26 - that's a hell of a white Russian, Jackie!  He's not Russian...But Canning Queen's RB's were rushin' for a combined 96 yards and it still wasn't enough to save her so MARK IT ZERO!!  Nobody f*cks with The Recliners.

The Legend and My Naginta Naginta faced off in an office grudge match.  The Legend was in an odd spot this week with Denver and Manning (his QB) facing off against the 49rs (his DEF).  Who do you root for in that situation?  Manning dominated with 26.62 points, so the 1.70 points from the 49rs was bearable, besides it's the niners you can't root for them anyway.  My Naginta Naginta has been having a rough go of it lately he's got good players, they're just not showing up with their game faces on.  In fact, I overheard him giving them a pep talk to them this morning it sounded a lot like this:



Hold on to your butts ladies and gentlemen because the Traveling Panty Droppers kept her panties on!  Her losing streak is over but I'm not quite sure how.  She made zero changes to her lineup, and I'm guessing that she didn't even watch a single play from all of Week Seven.  I guess this shows that even a broken clock is right on occasion?  That doesn't say nice things about offinthewoods either, your loss looks even worse because of your opponent's inattention.  Offinthewoods is going to have take a good look at his team (56.70 total points in Week Seven) if he wants a snowball's chance in hell of getting off his losing streak and beating the Kiegl Titans.

Yobogoya had lost before, but the first time was to the Green Velvet Recliners (girls don't count), and the second time was to a masked man no one knows, he was just a Legend anyway.  She wanted her real first time to be special.  So Iron Thighs lit some candles to set the mood, he chose scents from Yankee Candle's little-known NFL collection - Demarius Thomas (29.10), Golden Tate (21.40) and DeMarco Murray (19.20).  She played hard to get with Randall Cobb's 121 receiving yards and 22.10 total points.  On Sunday afternoon with Cam Newton's 13-yard pass for a TD, he let her take the lead, which we all know is the true sign of a gentleman.  But even Le'Veon Bell's 20.50 points were just token resistance and Iron Thighs had his way with her.  She'll always remember her first.

Russell Wilson's fantasy potential is looking up with 33.90 points (and the Green Velvet Recliners are having second thoughts about rejecting that trade offer), Wilson and the Dolphins Defense carried the Kiegl Titans to a low scoring victory over Your Wife My Kids.  Your Wife My Kids has some good performances from Roddy White (16.00), Dwayne Allen (11.20) and Jamaal Charles (16.70), but without something stellar, or even solid from the rest of the team, there isn't much to be excited about.

Wrong Turn has found her way!  She is no longer lost and she took down The Klunebergs with a strong 19.70 point lead.  The Klunebergs had some disappointing numbers from several players, Mark Ingram (2.90) and Fred Jackson (2.80) both went out with injuries and Matt Ryan (6.82) fumbled once and got sacked 5 times.  But it wasn't about the Klunebergs failure to launch it was about Wrong Turn's mastery of her lineup.  Look out folks because Wrong Turn is now all 'Bout that Action.





The Lions vs. Falcons game kicks off in London this Sunday at 9:30am ET. Remember to set your lineups early!  That's right - London...?  Grab a cup of tea and enjoy the game...wait, it's still American Football - have a damn cup of coffee!

Peace, Love and 'Merica!
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Six

There has been some serious changes to our leader board.  Check it out

Cam Newton (34.06) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.80) had excellent weeks, and both players briefly occupied spaces on Yobogoya's starting lineup.  However Newton spent week 6 riding the pine, while Fitzgerald was dropped for Michael Crabtree (10.90 on the bench).  Will you borrow a couple of my players for a bit?  They need the Yobogoya touch to give them a fantastic week when you don't want them any more. To be fair, playing the right guys still wouldn't have saved Yobogoya from The Legend.  He continues to ride the Manning/Thomas pony off into the sunset for another win, Arian Foster's 2 TDs, 20 carries and 109 rushing yards didn't hurt either.

The Titans are a tough team to keep track of, there's a lot of add/drops and now some trades in the mix too.  Whatever they're doing, its working. The Kiegl Titans have taken over the number 1 spot in the League from the Klunebergs.  They racked up an impressive 127.14 total to his 81.04. The Klunebergs leave very few points on the bench and he's currently the second best coach in the League (behind yours truly), he just had some performance issues this week.  I did ask the Titans to tighten the gap, maybe it was a bit much? Don't worry, I hear it happens to lots of guys.

Despite the loss of a good WR (Victor Cruz went down with a painful looking knee injury), the Green Velvet Recliners claimed the win over My Naginta Naginta.  Nagtina's had two players who were practically identical:  The C.Johnsons (Chris and Calvin).  They look the same on the line up, they both had bad weeks and they both have ankle injuries.  Actually, Naginta's whole lineup was a bit of a let down, except Aaron Rodgers (22.96).  My advice: better discount double check your team if you want to hold your own against the Legend.  Don't forget - the bet this week was that if Naginta lost, he had to take a blow job shot.  For your viewing pleasure:

This week Iron Thighs and Wrong Turn celebrated their anniversary (congrats!!) by going head to head and matching the Green Velvet Recliners/Naginta Naginta bet.  Unfortunately for Wrong Turn, who really has a fantastic team despite her 0-6 record, she now has to pay up by shotgunning a beer.  Iron Thighs took her to Pound Town with a score of 128.04 over 108.84.  "Wrong Turn" is so negative, you need a new team name, something to celebrate the good things you've got going...be proud of that Percy (Harvin)!

Its official.  She's an easy win.  The Traveling Panty Droppers started the Saints Defense and Drew Brees - a great way to watch a game and root for the same team, but a poor decision when that team is on a Bye.  Montee Ball also made her starting lineup, and he has a groin strain placing him on inactive status for at least a few weeks.  Regardless of his sub-par competition, Your Wife My Kids still gets credit for the win, his defense (Lions) registered 8 sacks showing that even though the city is bankrupt at least the Defensive front has some life in it.

Offinthewoods suffered another loss, this time to the Canning Queen.  AJ Green sat out with a toe injury - a toe?!  You want a toe?  I can get you a toe, Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish! Forget about the toe! - the Canning Queen's combo of the Seahawks Defense (25.20- pity the offense couldn't turn that into something) and Phillip Rivers (24.82) really tied the team together. 

Happy Thursday Night Football folks!

Love to all,
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Five

Hello Leonard's League!  It's been a wild week since I talked to you all last but everything, and everyone is going to be ok.  It will be a long road, but we may as well enjoy some football while we travel it!!

My Naginta Naginta lost to Yobogoya and that kid is BACK on the escalator!  Yobogoya is BACK in the number two spot and the Harts are BACK on top of the leaderboard.  We are being conditioned to fear and respect that leaderboard!  You know its bad when the default NFL recap says that "Yobogoya crushed My Naginta Naginta".  Poor Naginta, he can see it, he knows it's a Schooner, he just can't get his team to stop calling it a Sailboat!

Wrong Turn scored 98.06 points this week.  This means there were 8 opponents who she could have claimed her first win over.  If you look at wins/losses she is 11th in the league, but if you look at points she is 8th!  Unfortunately for her this week (and every other week so far), she was outscored by her opponent, the only one that really matters.  The Legend rode the bucking Bronco team of Peyton Manning and Julius Thomas all the way up to 4th place.  Nice work fairy tale.

Offinthewoods took matters into his own right hand man - with Marshawn Lynch's Monday night performance, he finally found satisfaction.  The Green Velvet Recliners had disappointing performances from Kelvin Benjamin, Victor Cruz, and Alfred Morris.  I didn't get this one, but at least I'm getting some!

By a slim 6.52 points the Canning Queen Lost to Your Wife My Kids.  Not much sympathy from me though, the Queen left our favorite player on the bench!  Granted Welker only would have helped her out for 2 more points, he still broke the league's record for most catches by an undrafted player.  Now that he is off his suspensions and (presumably) off the dope - Nobody puts baby in the corner.  And Your Wife My Kids?  He carried a watermelon.  For the win!

The Traveling Panty Droppers dropped the ball again and gave it up to the Klunebergs.  This was a low scoring game, but the Klunebergs are still leading the pack, he maintains his #1 ranking and is outscoring us all...by a lot so far this season.  Seriously, the next closest point total is 27.16 points below him.  Next week the Kiegl Titans take him on...kick his ass seabass!  Or at least help us tighten that gap!

Speaking of the Kiegl Titans - they have Russel Wilson as a QB who not only carried the Hawks on Monday, but carried the Titans to a solid win over Iron Thighs.  Larry Donnell scored the Thighs a big fat zero, but at least Joe Flacco had a good game.  Oh, wait...57% pass completion and an interception? hmmm...well, all things considered the Thighs held their own!

This week we have 2 homes that will be in turmoil as My Naginta Naginta faces off against the Green Velvet Recliners and Wrong Turn goes up against Iron Thighs.  If I win My Naginta will be taking a blow job shot at the next bar we go to, if he wins I will be attempting to shotgun my first beer.  Wish your favorite Schafer luck everyone, there will be video.  Gallasch's - what are the stakes?

Much Love,
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Four

It's week 4 and we currently have 6 teams tied with 3-1 win-loss records (Klunebergs, Green Velvet Recliners, Yobogoya, My Naginta Naginta, Kiegl Titans and Iron Thighs).

Down at the bottom of the leaderboard....I just googled "what is the opposite of undefeated", I guess there isn't really a word for it.  So we'll go with this:  We have 3 teams of perpetual losers who still haven't won a game (Travelling Panty Droppers, Offinthewoods, Wrong Turn).  Ouch guys, get your shit together!

Despite a tough loss to Canning Queen, the Klunebergs retain their #1 spot with a total of 458.4 points scored so far this season.  This brings the Canning Queen up to a 2-2 record and 8th place.  Phillip Rivers seems to be hitting his stride, is the Queen hitting hers?

The Green Velvet Recliners brought down the Hart reign of terror and bumped Yobogoya from her #2 spot, beating her 124.52 to 90.58.  It wasn't that Yobogoya had a terrible week.  More that the Green Velvet Recliners got Andrew Luck(y) for 29.62 points and had solid performances from the rest of my lineup.

Your Wife My Kids beat Offinthewoods this week.  Apparently you don't have to be an old married couple for things to slow down at home.  I think Offinthewoods is losing on purpose, just so I can make this joke every week.  Thanks!

There is no dressing this one up.  Wrong Turn got screwed by Tom Brady - 2.36 points?!  That's tough, especially since she only lost to My Naginta Naginta by 13.62 points, easily a number Brady should've been able to make up.  Although My Naginta had strong performances from QB, RB, and DEF positions.  That's My Naginta!  Sexy Naginta!

Despite a pitiful 2.90 points from Nick Foles, the Kiegl Titans turned The Legend into an adorable Fairy Tale and knocked him down 4 places to 7th.  For this week the Titans have made some serious lineup changes, if it worked last week, why change it so much?  Is it like the Duck uniforms?  Wear it once and throw it out?  All you need now is some fancy feathers on your shoulders!

Congratulations to Iron Thighs for getting the top score of the week and the season.  149.18, that's impressive, but there is no way he can sustain those kind of numbers.  Right?  The Traveling Panty Droppers continue to give it away, she scored 46% of Iron's totals.  Alright honey, its time for a pep talk.  Quit dropping your drawers, it's littering.  Come on, come on!  You did so good last year...Feel it, Feel it!  It's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme! Oh wait...does that even count as a pep talk?



Coming up this week is a rough time in the Your Wife My Kids/Canning Queen household.  I hope you two are betting something awesome on the outcome of this week's match.  Let us know what it is!

I know three of you who had team names assigned by me.  Do you really love your team name that much?  I'm creative, but I suck at coming up with team names.  Anybody have any suggestions for a good Ragnar name?  Also, anyone want to run in it?? I've got a team going I just need to fill it up with runners...and I've got a few spots left!  Wait...focus...my orignal point: you can totally change your team name to something you'd love and are willing to have tattooed on your ass.  Just sayin'.

Much Love!
Kiki