Leonard's League 14/15 Week Fifteen

You know the elf on the shelf ?  I'd give you a link to the website and story, but I tried and the background of the site moves with my mouse and makes me want to vomit.  Nauseating website design does not get a link from me.  The just of it is: a family adopts an elf who gets a name from the kids and the elf has magic to fly to Santa every night and report on whether the kids have been good.  The elf flies back every day and he moves locations in the house so the kids know he left and came back.  Creepy right?  Well, this year, like our favorite "The League" family, the Green Velvet Recliners adopted an elf on the shelf and named it Kiegl.  Kiegl the Titan Who Frightened.  At first the Titan had a lot of power, she popped up everywhere!  She won nine of the first ten weeks, and frightened all of Leonard's League.  Then as the season wore on she started to lose her powers.  In week 15, despite solid performances from Brandon Marshall (21.00), and Russell Wilson (20.22), she couldn't break 100 points.  The Green Velvet Recliners rallied to keep the Titan that Frightened from making it into the championship round with respectable 13+ point performances from two thirds of her team. Odell Beckham was on fire with 32.20 points and with his performance the Recliners destroyed any hope Kiegl the Titan Who Frightened had for a championship win this year.

The Klunebergs went up against My Naginta Naginta and I heard the side bet was a BJ.  Seriously guys?  They were looking to keep a low profile so it was a low scoring game.  The high scorer of the week was Tony Romo with 17.50 and three TD passes for the Klunebergs.  Antonio Brown (16.60) couldn't score, but still had an impressive 10 catches on 10 targets for the Klunebergs.  None of My Naginta's players brokeback nine points, although every player did score over three points which is the first time he can say that all season.  Ouch.  It was a pretty clear win for The Klunebergs (57.70 to 97.60) so we know who is on top.  No word yet on whether Naginta will pay up.

Yobogoya's quarterback, Drew Stanton, didn't show up to the game (3.66 points), and neither did Rashad Jennings (one of her RB's 0.30 points), oddly though, it turned out alright for her, as Your Wife My Kids didn't show up at all.  His high scorer was Alshon Jeffery with 13.80, and his grand total was 76.42.  I heard he was inspired by Yobogoya (for reference/Yobogoya jingle click this link), but he decided to go with the American version and he picked up some hot pockets.  YWMK should have known that Yo Yo Yo Yobogoya would destroy ya!  Here is Jim Gaffigan explaining why taking inspiration from the cheapest bucket of beef in our League-a was YWMK's downfall this week.



All season The Legend has dominated - he leads the league in points by a solid quarterback performance (22.64).  This week he was Legen...wait for it...dairy.  All his hard work this season has been udderly destroyed in one week by Iron Thighs.   Three of Iron Thighs players milked it for all they were worth and scored over 18 points.  DeMarco Murray (20.40),  Demariyius Thomas (18.30) and Devin Hester (23.30), well done - that is how you make the championship round!  The Legend's defense, the Chiefs, did great with 38.20 points, but a defense should not make up 33% of a total score.  You need to beef up your team and get them to score more than 12 points! Oh? One did?  Manning - your 12.02 doesn't cownt.  Iron Thighs started out the season a bit shaky, but he didn't climb the ladder, he became the ladder and beat The LegenDairy over the head with it (much like a bad pun), and doesn't LegenDairy look sheepish.

Alright - I realize this doesn't really belong here, and I won't make a habit of it, but:  I'm pissed off that some asshole in North Korea can get a bunch people he has oppressed and brainwashed to hack a huge international company, threaten the American public with violence and get away with it.  I don't care that the movie is in poor taste, I would probably never watch it, and certainly wouldn't find it funny.  But WTF?! Keep your callow, bloated, little man complex-driven, twisted sense of pride and justice out of my country you pretentious, marshmallow faced man child!  If this movie comes out in some fashion, which it should (Sony you spineless sucktards!),  I'm going to see it.  Just wait till we all find out that Sony was really behind this whole thing and wow did this publicity stunt work...

Ok....back to business.

It's the Final Countdown!! Or Week...its the final week.  Here are the matchups:

Green Velvet Recliners vs. Iron Thighs for the win!
Winner gets the G.O.A.T. and the pot of $40
Loser gets sad, 2nd place and $15

Kiegl Titans vs. The Legend for third
Winner gets third and $5
Loser gets nothing

Klunebergs vs. Yobogoya for fifth
Winner gets bragging rights

Your Wife My Kids vs. My Naginta Naginta for seventh
Winner gets bragging rights

Go Green Velvet Recliners!

Much Love,
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 Week Fourteen

Sorry, Your Wife My Kids, but your win is my entry in to the playoff rounds. The Green Velvet Recliners have been doing pretty well, on a four game winning streak until it was ended by YWMK. YWMK picked up 26.10 from the Vikings defense, Alshon Jeffery (15.50), Matthew Stafford (20.24), and Jamaal Charles (23.10) all showed up with strong games. YWMK beat the Recliners 107.74 to 103.76 earning solid, if illegitimate, bragging rights.

‘Bout That Action (175.18) completely obliterated Yobogoya (142.66). Yobogoya has been plagued by inconsistent players all season, and even though Rashad Jennings had a poor week, that wasn’t really the problem. The problem was Jordy Nelson (26.60), Percy Harvin (29.60), Julio Jones (31.90) and The Rams (43.30) all playing for ‘Bout That Action. Yobogoya still made the consolation bracket so at least she’s got that. ‘Bout That Action is done for the season, but her last half of the season was so much better than her first, this kid is going places…you know…next year.

My Naginta Naginta took down the Keigl Titans 85.22 to 101.08. Both of their Quarterbacks had good games - Aaron Rodgers (26.88) for Naginta and Wilson (27.32) for the Titans. Despite the loss and the fact that it’s her fourth in a row, the Titans are still moving forward into the playoff round. You know the expression “grow some balls”? How about tighten up your Kiegls? Those things can take a pounding!

Iron Thighs is the only one of the top four teams who won his match this week. He took down the Canning Queen 108.76 to 71.66. DeMarco Murray (28.80) and Joe Flacco (23.36) bonded with Marko and Jo – maybe the rest of us need to find our name sakes in the NFL too? The Canning Queen is done for the season but honestly, she has a good reason for her 10th place finish. She had Kaepernick (4.56) for a QB, she’d have done a whole lot better if she had his favorite receiver too.

The Legend has lost his last two games, Peyton Manning hasn’t really been bringing in the points with only 2.72 this week. But, with a 10-4 record, the best in the league, the Legend is above it all. In another case of too little too late, the Travelling Panty Droppers took down The Legend 103.20 to 86.42. It’s great that she is finally playing, and starting a full lineup – except one of her starters, Terrance Williams brought in 0 points. Sometimes there just isn’t enough caffeine in the world to breathe life into a dropped season.

The Klunebergs (110.80) fell to Offinthewoods (123.24) for his fourth loss in a row. The Klunebergs were so good in the beginning of the season; but they didn’t really make big lineup changes other than benching/starting players. The Klunebergs should have spent a little more time seeking out better players. Offinthewoods came in pretty late to the season, he is finishing dead last and he’s only won four games all season, two of them in the last two weeks. I wonder if he was just playing a different game than the rest of us, did anyone actually talk to him this season? Did he realize this was a football thing? For all we know, he thinks he won.

This week is the first round of playoffs.

In the winners bracket we have:

The Legend (1) vs. Iron Thighs (4)
The Kiegl Titans (3) vs the Green Velvet Recliners (2)

And the Consolation Bracket is:

The Klunebergs (6) vs. My Naginta Naginta (7)
Yobogoya (8) vs. Your Wife My Kids (5) Good luck to all!

Much Love!
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Thirteen

You know how when you are about to travel to your Oregon office for two days because you are the new company wide Safety Manager (yay me!) and you have to prepare to ask questions about the safety program so you can understand what you are getting yourself into because ready or not here you go, and that seems stressful, but last week you also got roped into writing a presentation that you have to give to industry representatives in Anchorage, Portland and Seattle over the next two months and you haven't really started it but it's due on the 19th of December, and that's stressful too, but you are also going on a ski vacation to Tahoe with your super sexy significant other and you're leaving on the 6th and not getting back until the 15th, so even though its going to be super fun you've effectively lost a whole week to do all of that other stuff in, and you are also trying to work through the chiropractor appointments and insurance crap from when you got rear-ended two weeks ago in your nice car (you have an older car that wouldn't be a big deal to get in an accident but of course you weren't driving it) - with all that going on you feel like you love your Fantasy League but you just don't have the time or energy to devote to writing a hilariously suggestive weekly update?  Yeah...Me too!

Green Velvet Recliners beat 'Bout That Action - sorry chica, you've been looking good but the GVRs can't be stopped!

Your Wife My Kids crushed The Klunebergs 118.90 to 85.66.  They are both tied with 7-6 records, one of them could make the playoffs.

The Keigl Titans have really loosened up and let things go over the last few weeks.  They're on a 3 game losing streak, this time against Yobogoya.  Yobogoya's team is looking good and may have things together enough to make the playoff round.

Offinthewoods got his third season win against Iron Thighs.  Offinthewoods knew he wasn't getting to the playoffs, now he's just a spoiler.

My Naginta Naginta kept his playoff hopes alive and defeated the Traveling Panty Droppers.

In a fabulous upset the Canning Queen brought down The Legend.  Somebody had to make sure he was human, thanks Queen!

We are entering into Week 14 - the last week before playoffs!

The current top 4 are:
The Legend
The Green Velvet Recliners
Keigl Titans
Iron Thighs

These folks are on the bubble depending on how this week goes:
The Klunebergs
Your Wife My Kids
Yobogoya
My Naginta Naginta

Have a fantastic week!

Much Love,
Kiki