Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Seven

In Week Six the Canning Queen's QB (Phillip Rivers) and DEF (Seahawks) really tied the team together.  This week they went up against the Green Velvet Recliners and got peed on by a Chinaman. Dude! Chinaman is NOT the preferred nomenclature.  Alright...how about peed on by a bear?  Because Matt Forte had another fantastic week with 22.90 points, more than Rivers and the Hawks combined.  Andrew Luck came through again with 18.26 - that's a hell of a white Russian, Jackie!  He's not Russian...But Canning Queen's RB's were rushin' for a combined 96 yards and it still wasn't enough to save her so MARK IT ZERO!!  Nobody f*cks with The Recliners.

The Legend and My Naginta Naginta faced off in an office grudge match.  The Legend was in an odd spot this week with Denver and Manning (his QB) facing off against the 49rs (his DEF).  Who do you root for in that situation?  Manning dominated with 26.62 points, so the 1.70 points from the 49rs was bearable, besides it's the niners you can't root for them anyway.  My Naginta Naginta has been having a rough go of it lately he's got good players, they're just not showing up with their game faces on.  In fact, I overheard him giving them a pep talk to them this morning it sounded a lot like this:



Hold on to your butts ladies and gentlemen because the Traveling Panty Droppers kept her panties on!  Her losing streak is over but I'm not quite sure how.  She made zero changes to her lineup, and I'm guessing that she didn't even watch a single play from all of Week Seven.  I guess this shows that even a broken clock is right on occasion?  That doesn't say nice things about offinthewoods either, your loss looks even worse because of your opponent's inattention.  Offinthewoods is going to have take a good look at his team (56.70 total points in Week Seven) if he wants a snowball's chance in hell of getting off his losing streak and beating the Kiegl Titans.

Yobogoya had lost before, but the first time was to the Green Velvet Recliners (girls don't count), and the second time was to a masked man no one knows, he was just a Legend anyway.  She wanted her real first time to be special.  So Iron Thighs lit some candles to set the mood, he chose scents from Yankee Candle's little-known NFL collection - Demarius Thomas (29.10), Golden Tate (21.40) and DeMarco Murray (19.20).  She played hard to get with Randall Cobb's 121 receiving yards and 22.10 total points.  On Sunday afternoon with Cam Newton's 13-yard pass for a TD, he let her take the lead, which we all know is the true sign of a gentleman.  But even Le'Veon Bell's 20.50 points were just token resistance and Iron Thighs had his way with her.  She'll always remember her first.

Russell Wilson's fantasy potential is looking up with 33.90 points (and the Green Velvet Recliners are having second thoughts about rejecting that trade offer), Wilson and the Dolphins Defense carried the Kiegl Titans to a low scoring victory over Your Wife My Kids.  Your Wife My Kids has some good performances from Roddy White (16.00), Dwayne Allen (11.20) and Jamaal Charles (16.70), but without something stellar, or even solid from the rest of the team, there isn't much to be excited about.

Wrong Turn has found her way!  She is no longer lost and she took down The Klunebergs with a strong 19.70 point lead.  The Klunebergs had some disappointing numbers from several players, Mark Ingram (2.90) and Fred Jackson (2.80) both went out with injuries and Matt Ryan (6.82) fumbled once and got sacked 5 times.  But it wasn't about the Klunebergs failure to launch it was about Wrong Turn's mastery of her lineup.  Look out folks because Wrong Turn is now all 'Bout that Action.





The Lions vs. Falcons game kicks off in London this Sunday at 9:30am ET. Remember to set your lineups early!  That's right - London...?  Grab a cup of tea and enjoy the game...wait, it's still American Football - have a damn cup of coffee!

Peace, Love and 'Merica!
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Six

There has been some serious changes to our leader board.  Check it out

Cam Newton (34.06) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.80) had excellent weeks, and both players briefly occupied spaces on Yobogoya's starting lineup.  However Newton spent week 6 riding the pine, while Fitzgerald was dropped for Michael Crabtree (10.90 on the bench).  Will you borrow a couple of my players for a bit?  They need the Yobogoya touch to give them a fantastic week when you don't want them any more. To be fair, playing the right guys still wouldn't have saved Yobogoya from The Legend.  He continues to ride the Manning/Thomas pony off into the sunset for another win, Arian Foster's 2 TDs, 20 carries and 109 rushing yards didn't hurt either.

The Titans are a tough team to keep track of, there's a lot of add/drops and now some trades in the mix too.  Whatever they're doing, its working. The Kiegl Titans have taken over the number 1 spot in the League from the Klunebergs.  They racked up an impressive 127.14 total to his 81.04. The Klunebergs leave very few points on the bench and he's currently the second best coach in the League (behind yours truly), he just had some performance issues this week.  I did ask the Titans to tighten the gap, maybe it was a bit much? Don't worry, I hear it happens to lots of guys.

Despite the loss of a good WR (Victor Cruz went down with a painful looking knee injury), the Green Velvet Recliners claimed the win over My Naginta Naginta.  Nagtina's had two players who were practically identical:  The C.Johnsons (Chris and Calvin).  They look the same on the line up, they both had bad weeks and they both have ankle injuries.  Actually, Naginta's whole lineup was a bit of a let down, except Aaron Rodgers (22.96).  My advice: better discount double check your team if you want to hold your own against the Legend.  Don't forget - the bet this week was that if Naginta lost, he had to take a blow job shot.  For your viewing pleasure:

This week Iron Thighs and Wrong Turn celebrated their anniversary (congrats!!) by going head to head and matching the Green Velvet Recliners/Naginta Naginta bet.  Unfortunately for Wrong Turn, who really has a fantastic team despite her 0-6 record, she now has to pay up by shotgunning a beer.  Iron Thighs took her to Pound Town with a score of 128.04 over 108.84.  "Wrong Turn" is so negative, you need a new team name, something to celebrate the good things you've got going...be proud of that Percy (Harvin)!

Its official.  She's an easy win.  The Traveling Panty Droppers started the Saints Defense and Drew Brees - a great way to watch a game and root for the same team, but a poor decision when that team is on a Bye.  Montee Ball also made her starting lineup, and he has a groin strain placing him on inactive status for at least a few weeks.  Regardless of his sub-par competition, Your Wife My Kids still gets credit for the win, his defense (Lions) registered 8 sacks showing that even though the city is bankrupt at least the Defensive front has some life in it.

Offinthewoods suffered another loss, this time to the Canning Queen.  AJ Green sat out with a toe injury - a toe?!  You want a toe?  I can get you a toe, Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish! Forget about the toe! - the Canning Queen's combo of the Seahawks Defense (25.20- pity the offense couldn't turn that into something) and Phillip Rivers (24.82) really tied the team together. 

Happy Thursday Night Football folks!

Love to all,
Kiki

Leonard's League 14/15 - Week Five

Hello Leonard's League!  It's been a wild week since I talked to you all last but everything, and everyone is going to be ok.  It will be a long road, but we may as well enjoy some football while we travel it!!

My Naginta Naginta lost to Yobogoya and that kid is BACK on the escalator!  Yobogoya is BACK in the number two spot and the Harts are BACK on top of the leaderboard.  We are being conditioned to fear and respect that leaderboard!  You know its bad when the default NFL recap says that "Yobogoya crushed My Naginta Naginta".  Poor Naginta, he can see it, he knows it's a Schooner, he just can't get his team to stop calling it a Sailboat!

Wrong Turn scored 98.06 points this week.  This means there were 8 opponents who she could have claimed her first win over.  If you look at wins/losses she is 11th in the league, but if you look at points she is 8th!  Unfortunately for her this week (and every other week so far), she was outscored by her opponent, the only one that really matters.  The Legend rode the bucking Bronco team of Peyton Manning and Julius Thomas all the way up to 4th place.  Nice work fairy tale.

Offinthewoods took matters into his own right hand man - with Marshawn Lynch's Monday night performance, he finally found satisfaction.  The Green Velvet Recliners had disappointing performances from Kelvin Benjamin, Victor Cruz, and Alfred Morris.  I didn't get this one, but at least I'm getting some!

By a slim 6.52 points the Canning Queen Lost to Your Wife My Kids.  Not much sympathy from me though, the Queen left our favorite player on the bench!  Granted Welker only would have helped her out for 2 more points, he still broke the league's record for most catches by an undrafted player.  Now that he is off his suspensions and (presumably) off the dope - Nobody puts baby in the corner.  And Your Wife My Kids?  He carried a watermelon.  For the win!

The Traveling Panty Droppers dropped the ball again and gave it up to the Klunebergs.  This was a low scoring game, but the Klunebergs are still leading the pack, he maintains his #1 ranking and is outscoring us all...by a lot so far this season.  Seriously, the next closest point total is 27.16 points below him.  Next week the Kiegl Titans take him on...kick his ass seabass!  Or at least help us tighten that gap!

Speaking of the Kiegl Titans - they have Russel Wilson as a QB who not only carried the Hawks on Monday, but carried the Titans to a solid win over Iron Thighs.  Larry Donnell scored the Thighs a big fat zero, but at least Joe Flacco had a good game.  Oh, wait...57% pass completion and an interception? hmmm...well, all things considered the Thighs held their own!

This week we have 2 homes that will be in turmoil as My Naginta Naginta faces off against the Green Velvet Recliners and Wrong Turn goes up against Iron Thighs.  If I win My Naginta will be taking a blow job shot at the next bar we go to, if he wins I will be attempting to shotgun my first beer.  Wish your favorite Schafer luck everyone, there will be video.  Gallasch's - what are the stakes?

Much Love,
Kiki