Leonard's League 15/16 Week Four

Hi Leonard's League!  This is our very first weekly update by a guest writer, thanks to Bobbum Man for hooking us up this week!

Ok everyone, this week’s Leonard’s League, Week 4 update, is brought to you by Josh ‘Bobbum Man’ Schafer. Last year, while most likely drunk, I told ‘Not in my Hauschka’ (wife) that I would write one of these this year. So… here we go. 

Fee, Fie, foe, fum, the End are Near at thou Bobbum. Time me open Bobbum Van trunk for ruin Bobbum wif Equipmunk… Nope! Bobbum Man continues to suck with a 12.78 (74.36 to 87.14) point loss to Bout that Action. Bout that Action put Bobbum Man’s dirty Equipmunk in the wash with 16.8 points from Ronnie Hillman, 12.8 points from Brandon Marshall and an unbelievable 16 points from kicker Chandler Catanzaro. 16 points out of a kicker? Bullshit! Maybe Aaron Rodgers will actually show up next week and crest the 20 point mark for Bobbum Man. Either way, he will need to figure out how to get more points from his players. Bout that Action will quietly start next week in the number 5 position.

Evidently Victorious Secret couldn’t keep everything in and some of the secret flopped out. This allowed Not in my Hauschka to sneak-up-behind-her-and-take-her Quran… or…  I mean... WINNING RECORD.  Dude you have no winning record, you have no record. Despite going into Monday Night’s game in the lead, with an impressive showing from Philip Rivers, Justin Forsett, Mike Wallace & Martellus Bennett with 24.22, 15, 14.3 & 14.3 points respectively, it wasn’t enough to keep little Steven Hauschka from pulling down 11 during Monday Night Football. Two 50+ yard FG’s out of Hauschka sealed the deal for Not in my Hauschka and she pulled away at the end with a 2.68 point lead (104.9 to 102.22).

Herban Fire & Clitboner…    Herban Fire & Clitboner…    Clitboner…                Clitboner…

I have a mental image of what I think a Clitboner looks like. I get the feeling, from a guy’s perspective, it’s pretty awesome. Not sure what a chick would think about it, but I’m guessing once that occurs, all is well. Apparently Herban Fire knew just what to look for and how to handle ‘it’, because after Mondays game, the wad was blown. Had Marshawn Lynch shown up to play, things may have gone different, but with 15.7 from the Jets (yes the Jets), 15.7 from DeAndre Hopkins (who totally Yobogoya'd? see definition in Yobogoya's summary on this post) and 14.5 from Jamaal Charles (the only Jamaal with two A’s), Clitboner needed to be rock-solid with his team in order to finish first, he wasn’t. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

The Vinegar Strokes got to that point, couldn’t stop, and left Canning Queen on her own to finish second. Even with Doug Martin on the bench with 20.30, Vinegar Strokes pulled off the “W”. Andy Dalton threw for 18.44, Mark Ingram pulled down 12.8, Giovani Bernard mustered 12.8 and the Rams killed it with 20.30. Hard to compete with those numbers. Even with impressive numbers from Eli at 17.28, 25.8 from Javis Landry and 22.8 out of the Dolphins, Canning Queen couldn’t keep the Strokes from prevailing. She will need crank up the pressure cooker to seal some wins.

The Keigl Titans keigl strength couldn’t prevent the Legend from slipping in and dominating for the win. With a 31.3 point loss, the Titans continue their losing streak; having only three players showing up this week. Drew Brees threw for 19.36, Danny Woodhead (WTF is Danny Woodhead?) ran for 13.8 & Ted Ginn managed a respectable 14.3 points. Not too bad, but not good enough to prevent the Legend’s Tyrod Tayor 12.46, Adrian Peterson 15.4, Le’Veon Bell 21,  Keenan Allen 13.7 and the Panthers 21.10 from loosening things up. Maybe it’s time for a new mascot?

Not being from Massachusetts, I’m unfamiliar with Rozzie Square – so I Googled it. Unfortunately, Google isn’t too familiar with it either so I wasn’t able to gain sufficient knowledge in order to make fun of it, or relate it to anything. I did find a picture if this guy (pretty sure that’s a skullet) … MA’s finest?

That said, Rozzie Square finished up the week with a big fat “W”, continuing her 3 game winning streak. Eskimo Brothers may need to get on the EBDB and see if some of his brothers can help him with his team. Maybe that guy from MA can help… With the exception of Travis Benjamin, 12 points and the Broncos 15.70 points, no one really showed up… Going to be hard to hang onto the GOAT when you put points up like that. Especially when Rozzie Square gets 12.5 points from Isaiah Crowell, 14.80 from Jeremy Maclin and 12 from Adam Vinatieri. Sold win Square!

Victorious Secret loss this week ended what could have been a nice little run. However, with 4 players in the 3-1 positon and 5 players in the 2-2 position, it’s still anyone’s game. Looking forward to seeing how the week progresses… better go check your teams! Thursday Night is here!