Let me just start by saying Kristina and Joanna are far superior at writing weekly Fantasy updates. They
typically have some sort of #theme and accompanying funny pictures.
I came into this week’s post with
really no plan. Just figured I give it some Josh (a little bit of Josh goes a
long way) and things would work out for the best. Well? Maybe… We shall see.
My post, my team first…
Bobbum Man Vs. I’ll Drink to That
Bobbum Man came into this week after
losing to the Keigl Titans which didn’t sit well with him as it broke his 2-0
winning streak - a far better start to the year than last so it chewed on his
nuts a little. The motivation to win did good things for him as he squeaked by I'll
Drink to That on Monday night with a total of 108.58 points to 104.12 thanks in
part to a decent performance by a last minute pic-up Sam Bradford with 15.08
points. Had Carson Palmer (8.52) not shit down his leg, Bobbum Man may be
singing a different song. Sorry, I’ll Drink to That. Bobbum Man got some additional help by Jordan
Reed (19.30), Melvin Gordon (17.90), and that crazy kicker, Mike (Ted) Nugent
with an impressive 16 points. I'll Drink to That had some impressive
performers, which put her in the lead Monday Night. DeMarco Murray (23.90),
Frank Gore (15.5) and Matt Bryant (14) kept Bobbum Man on his toes throughout Monday Night's game. The 7 and change lead by I’ll drink to That just wasn’t
enough to take the “W”.
I read that I'll Drink to That
actually averages more per game in losses (101.35) than wins (90.76). A loss
with 104.12 points must have been tough. Sorry again I’ll Drink to That.
Bobbum Man (3-1, 426.26 points)
climbs into second place and I'll Drink to That (2-2, 384.22 points) drops to
eighth place.
I’ll Drink to That better call up
some reinforcements before taking on the Legend this week
Victorious Secret Vs.
Demogorgon’s
Wikipedia says a Demogorgon
is a “powerful demon prince. He is known as the Prince of Demons, a
self-proclaimed title he holds by virtue of his power and influence, which, in
turn, is a title acknowledged by both mortals and his fellow demons. Demogorgon
was also named as one of the greatest villains in D&D history”. Additionally used for the name given to the evil
creature that lives in the parallel universe in Stranger Things – on Netflix
now. Check it out.
Despite being a
demon prince, the Demogorgon was spell-cast by Victorious Secret’s Big
Ben Roethlisberger. Apparently he can pull down 31.90 points and cast a 3.5e
Spell at the same time to end the poor Demogorgon. Wow, I was starting to think
Ben was a pussy! This gave Victorious Secret a big head start. Combine that
with Crabtree’s impressive 26.9 and the Kansas City Chiefs 10.5 points and
there was really no reason for Victorious Secret fill the other positions.
Those three totaled 69.3 points. 5+ points greater than Demogorgon’s total score of
64.04. Good thing Rashad Jennings shit up the back or this matchup may have been an
even bigger excrement exhibit.
It appears that Demogorgon’s team
just didn’t show up! Only AJ Green (23.30) and the ultimate, Steven Hauschka
(11) scored over 10 points. The others must have just stood around and fondled
each other while lesser Manning watched and sucked his thumb – not sure.
0-4 for the Demogorgon’s. Is the
GOAT in trouble? I’ve grown to like it on our mantel. The Demogorgon’s need to
step it up soon or the GOAT may fall into the wrong hands – Bobbum Man?
Victorious Secret (3-1, 388.74
points) climbs into fourth place, while The Demogorgon (0-4, 312.24 points)
stays in last (sad face)
Looks like Victorious Secret will
be playing the ever winning Bobbum Man and the Demogorgon’s will match up
against In Your Endo. Keep your eyes on this one.
Your Wife My Kids Vs. In Your Endo
What do I say about
this matchup?!? So much comes to mind, but just doesn’t go down on paper quite
right. If only there was a federally funded program out there, designed to help
me put these words on paper. That way all of you can be responsible for my lack
of creativity and inability to write. Sounds fair, yeah?
What may not be fair was the loss that In Your Endo suffered
against Your Wife My Kids this week. It appears the battle was won by Your Wife
My Kids right from the start and continued that way throughout the rest of the
weekend. In Your Endo fell to Your Wife My Kids 108.06 to 88.26. YWMK’s victory
was aided by four heavy hitters this week. The Broncos pulled in a respective
16.20 points along with Le’Veaon Bell’s 17.80. Isaiah Crowell (20.20) and Will
Fuller (26.80) crushed it this week. Hard to hang with players pulling those
numbers. I guess we can forgive Stephen Gostkowski for a big fat zero – or can
we?
In Your Endo’s players just didn’t bring it to the table this
week. They were probably out late, playing laser tag and pushing their limits
at Trampoline Nation (not quite what I was intending to say). However, as we
all know, Russell Wilson, despite not being 100% showed up and pounded out
21.86 points. Greg Olsen does what Greg Olsen does and jerked off 15.60 points.
Let’s not over-look the Minnesota Vikings (12.20). Impressive! Hey Matt Forte
(4.30) and Jeremy Langford (0.00), how about you earn a living and keep In Your
Endo in the game?
There will be a house
divided this week as Your Wife My Kids takes on Mocha's Maniacs (2-2, 357.62).
Any interesting bets we need to know about? In Your Endo may want to think
about getting on the Right side as he goes up against The Demogorgon (0-4,
312.24). She’s got something to prove.
The Vinegar Strokes Vs. Mocha's Maniacs
Wooo…
Whooo. Whooooo (train whistle)! Look out, here comes The Vinegar Strokes!
Are the Strokes on their way to an unstoppable ending? If they keep up their
current pace, an explosively victorious ending is surly insight.
With a 132.26 to 84.12 defeat over Mocha’s
Maniacs, The Vinegar Strokes move into first place and in good standing to take
the GOAT. Derek Carr (23.76), Antonio Brown (18.80) and Mark Ingram (16.50)
were a solid foundation to what would become the highest scoring team of the
week. What really brought the house down was Vinegar’s remaining players, who, all but two were in the double digit category (15.00, 9.90, 11.30, 13.90, 8.0
and 15.10). Unbelievable numbers for a team. I know you all watched – how about
that Jimmy Graham. Finally!
Mocha's Maniacs… You didn’t to all that bad.
You did pretty good considering you were up against a competitor in the throes
of Vinegar Strokes. Matt Stafford (6.22) was a turd, along with Hopkins (0.4),
Bernard (4.2) and Landry (6.1). They just didn’t have it this week. Thank
goodness for Chris Thompson (12.6), Devonta Freeman (12.4) and of course the LA
Rams! (24.3). At least they know how the game works. Mocha, you deserve a win.
I’d go sexual bet for matchup against Your Wife My Kids.
The Vinegar Strokes will take on Rozzie Square
(2-2, 413.76) this week. Better watch out Rozzie this one is may not be able to
hold back…
Pretty sure it’s sexual
The Legend Vs. Keigl Titans
I’m going to use this forum and say that the
Oregon ducks suck. For those who don’t know, The Keigl Titans have a hardcore
allegiance to the ducks and it felt GOOD when the Cougs kicked the shit out of
them for the second year in a row last weekend. I’m sure they are taking the
loss with the greatest of integrity and unrivaled sportsmanship. Good luck
playing the Huskies (rated 5th in the Nation) this weekend! I’ll be
sure to watch that game and cheer on the boys in purple and gold (only time it
happens).
The Legend broke his losing streak this month with a
punishing blow to the Keigl Titans. He was able to muscle through with a 120.34
to 77.80 win. The Houston Titans were Legends top scorers with 21.20 points.
They were followed closely behind by LeSean McCoy (16.80) and Demaryius Thomas
(15.40). Phillip Rivers had a pretty good game (should do better) with 15.84
points and Emanuel Sanders fingered 14.8. Legends remaining players kept him in
the game; all bring home respectable scores. With the second highest score of
the week at 120, can we expect the Legend has broken the funk and is on the
move? Keep an eye out!
Oh Titans… I’m sure it was a tough weekend for
you. First your precious dicks… I mean, ducks and then this. A nasty loss to
the Legend. It’s OK! There are many weeks ahead. If you keep Eddie Royal,
(18.80), Dak Prescott (16.10) and that kicker of yours, Adam Vinatieri healthy
and well fed, you should be able to hold on.
The Legend matches up to I'll Drink to That
(2-2, 384.22) this week who typically has high scores while the Keigl Titans
take on the EBDB BnB (2-2, 416.30). Kind of a match made in heaven. Battle of
will – a battle of muscle!
EBDB BnB Vs. Rozzie Square
Julio, Julio, Julio! EBDB BnB’s Julio Jones
brought down the BnB with 36 fucking (had to) points this week. Had this act of
sheer athleticism not shown itself this week, the EBDB BnB would be looking for
a new place for the EBDB brotherhood.
Looking at the numbers, Rozzie Square had
things going there for a bit. Drew Brees (9.88) was no help, but Matt Jones
squared up and realized 19.80 points; almost out performing Ezekiel Elliott’s impressive
21.70. Maybe Mike Evans (5.9) and Chris Boswell (5.0) need to take another walk
around the squara and get right, cause that-just aint-gunna-cut-it. Thanks for
showing up Patriots, but 6.4 points aint gunna keep the taxes at bay. Way to go
PAL!
EBDB BnB took advantage of these shortcomings
and became a brother favorite with 19.60 points from the Raiders and dare I say
it, 14.60 points from Cam Newton. Hey Cam, good to see you could half-way crawl
out from under your towel and actually throw the ball. Good work – way to do
your job! The remaining EBDB crew swung from Jones’s nuts and provided the
minimum effort to keep EBDB in the winning circle.
EBDB BnB will take on the Keigl Titans (1-3,
335.48) this week. I’m sure they will be suffering from a duck loss and looking
for a Fantasy win. Will EBDEB BnB let it happen? We shall see.
Good luck to all of you…
~ Josh
